I am interrupting the regularly scheduled programming lest you think it’s all rainbows and puppy dogs up in here.
I am tired. Seriously. Tired. For real. I am not complaining. I am stating facts. To the readers who are longing to have this problem and rolling your eyes: I get it. But, that doesn’t make me any less tired.
Why, you ask? How could I possibly be dragging ass when I have that sweet little hoot owl’s eyes to lovingly gaze into? Let me tell you why. This boy loves to hang out with Mama in the middle of the night. He’s pretty easy to go down. He’s ready to go down between 6:30-7:00. He’s happy with and on-demand episode of Yo Gabba-Gabba (not to worry, I do read to my child every day as well, he just seems to LOVE this show, I can’t even begin to explain it, just watch a clip of it on YouTube, you’ll be as confused as I am), a bottle, some rocking and singing and he’s off to La-La Land.
When approximately 9:30 rolls around, he wants a bottle. Around 3:30-4:oo am, he wolfs down another six ounces. Then he’s raring to go for the day at 6:30 am, when I have to get him ready for baby school. That was a description of a good night.
Then there are nights like the past two nights that I lovingly refer to as “newborn nights.” I lost track after the fifth time in the room. At one point he drank two ounces only to cry me back into the room 45 minutes later to finish off the bottle. Two nights ago, he did all the above with the added bonus of waking up for the day at 4:45 am. Seriously. I haven’t had interrupted sleep like this and then put in a full work week since I spent the summer in Ft. Jackson, SC for Army basic training.
I know, I know, this too shall pass. This is just a season. He’s only a baby once. He might be teething. What about that cold he’s been nursing, blah, blah, blah. The pediatrician is telling me that I am making a choice. He is old enough at almost ten months to be able to sleep through the night without eating. I am choosing to continue to feed him throughout the night. She said that he is certainly fine with that choice, but asked, “How’s that working for you?” I think we all know what I am getting at. It’s not working that well for me. I find myself feeling like a steaming pile of poop every morning saying, “Somethings got to give. He’s old enough now. Seriously. He’s got to cry it out.”
I have colleagues (who have had success with letting their kids cry it out without any obvious permanent damage) telling me that I’ve got to do this. Then, there are those, including my mother who are against crying it out, “I never did with you kids!” There is my Dr. Sears quoting sister-in-law saying things like, “You parent all day, why wouldn’t you parent at night?” There is my cousin who has a baby who is five days older than Rocky and she is getting up and working full-time too. She is a zombie like me and I heard her say, “I read that they eventually give up hope that you will come and save them and that’s why they stop crying. That’s so sad. I decided that I could never do that to my baby!” I love these ladies and respect their opinions which is why I’ve discussed this with them. But, again, somethings got to give. None of this is helping me feel any better going into my long day and evening. Sleep deprivation is REAL. It can be used as a form of torture. I am less focused, and more forgetful by the day.
This morning I was talking to Miss Rose, Rocky’s teacher. She’s a grandmother who happens to be a certified early childhood teacher. She works at the baby school in the infant room because she can’t imagine doing anything else. She is an expert on young babies and knows what she is talking about. She is gentle, nurturing and professional. She does what is best for the babies in her care. She said to me, “He is old enough to sleep through the night. He’s playing you a little bit. You need to help him learn how to sleep through the night. He’s a smart cookie. He’ll catch on. It’s what’s best for all of you.”
So, I am thinking about doing a modified version of crying it out. I’ll pick a night to start when we don’t have to work the next day and plan on getting little sleep. I’ll go in at intervals to touch his back and reassure him that he hasn’t been abandoned (as he is sitting straight up in his crib, wailing and looking panicked). From everything I’ve read, consistency is the most important part of this process.
I don’t know if I can do this whole sleep training thing. Do I just wait it out and trust that he will come to a good night’s sleep on his own or do I help him along?
Help.
PS. If you were mentioned in this post, I still love you and respect your opinion. Just trying to figure this out and keep my sanity in tact!
I feel for you. And here is one more asshole with free advice: 12 hours by 12 weeks is amaze balls. Works for older babies too.
This is me, BTW. Stupid Siri.
That book sounds like the solution I’m looking for. Fingers crossed! I’m getting it! Thanks!
It is not a cry it out, but it involves letting them cry for a bit at a time. It also teaches you how to get rid of the night feedings gradually. It saved our lives on both kids. Minimal crying for both baby and mama. Ha.
OH! And you can probably read it from front to back in about an hour. Just skip right to the 9-week part. The rest is just saying babies are nuts and you can’t do anything with them.
I totally feel your pain. I have no good suggestions and only wish to commiserate.
Carder is now 17 months and we rarely get a “good” night’s sleep. He used to sleep all night long but then teething began and things haven’t been the same sense.
He does technically “sleep through the night” (because the definition of that is some crazy shit like 5 hours straight) and he routinely sleeps from his 7:30is bedtime until 12:30 or 1 am which would be marvelous if I went to bed at 8 at night. We no longer do middle of the night feedings and haven’t for a long time. At some point, survival of sleep deprivation meant that he migrated to our bed at some point in the middle of the night.
And just when I hear myself saying “something has to give, I can’t go on…” and I seriously begin to contemplate “cry it out” and think that all of his actions are behavioral? The teething lets up and my sweet boy will sleep from 7:30 pm until around 6:45 am. For 2-3 nights straight.
And at that point I wonder if it is all due to the pain of teething and I feel like an asshole for contemplating letting him cry in his crib when I could be comforting him.
I will be waiting anxiously to see how this sleep training progresses for you. Best of luck!
http://www.babysleepsite.com
This website was a wealth of information for me when I started teaching my daughter at 7-8 months to fall asleep on her own (ALWAYS needed me up to that point for every nap and night waking) and to learn to go back to sleep in the middle of the night on her own with only one 4:30 AM feeding until about 9-10 months. It was a long process of small steps forward because I didn’t want to cry it out either. You know your baby, and you can tell when they really need you or when they are just trying to get attention or avoid the sleeping thing. Also she started eating more during the day when I stopped feeding her so much at night. She was just using it to go back to sleep…
I loved the charts and articles on the site to know what is “normal” for certain ages, including naps. I used the method you are mentioning: don’t pick up but soothe them every 10 mins or so. Like that lady said, they are smart at this age and you have to teach them how to sleep (but without associations of a bottle or mom or rocking, etc.) Thankfully I never had to use the option, but they offer well praised, step by step email sleep counseling that I would have totally taken advantage of if I needed to.
You will get there! Consistency is key and every child is different. (The cliches are true…) I remember feeling like she would never sleep on her own (newborn included), but it is amazing how time moves on and that is such a distant memory. Now, when she is teething hard and wakes up at night on a occasion, I give her some cuddles because I miss those times. Funny how my opinion changes with the amnesia that comes with an older baby/toddler… =) Now, my next baby will most likely show me what a really bad sleeper is! =P
I have an 11 month old whom we ‘sleep trained’ about 3 weeks ago. I cannot even tell you how much better my life is now. I was so sleep deprived that I was experiencing palpitations. Read my blog if you’re interested – I documented the whole thing. Good luck!
My baby isn’t here yet, BUT I had an awesome friend who recommended the book “The No Cry Sleep Solution” and so far it looks pretty good
Oh man, I don’t miss that newborn schedule at all! We seriously lucked out in that department so I don’t have any good advice for you. I would be a royal mess if I still had to get up multiple times during the night, not to mention trying to work full time. Ugh. I hope your sleep training works quickly!
I think the biggest part about any major milestone — sleeping through the night, getting rid of the binky, bottle, etc. is that YOU have to be ready to do it. If YOU aren’t ready to do it, it won’t work.
I agree with the modified version of crying it out. Let him start off crying for, let’s say, 10 minutes. Then, you go in and perhaps you start off with a bottle of milk. Next time, you wait 15 minutes before you go in, and then maybe it’s just a bottle of water, or paci, or whatever. You get the drift. slow and easy weaning, for the both of you.
I was a nanny for 10 years only to infants. Sleep was the Biggest problem for new parents….those babies cry…your heart tightens up and you just want to run and snuggle them and make it all better. Feed, rock, binky…anything to make your baby happy. I get it….I have two of my own now! BUT…..sleep patterns are learned behaviour. We, as the parents, are here to help our children learn the behaviours we feel are most healthy for their lives (and ours). So…just like you have to teach them to say please and thankyou (and repeat it a million times)….good sleep pattern behaviour is the same. There are books that say you can do it in 3 days…and for some kids that works great (but they are usually a bit younger)….some say 2 weeks, some say cry, some say don’t. But that is not the point. You have to approach it the same way you would approach teaching them any other skill. Some kids catch on right away…others take longer. I got one of both. I started my babies on a gentle Babywise from birth (don’t get caught up in the controversy of this…it works for some and not for others…period). My first baby totally thrived on a good routine and feeding schedule and was a rockstar sleeper at 9 weeks. My 2nd baby would have none of that! She was a needy baby who craved physical contact, needed that soothing often in the night and wouldn’t calm down after a bit of crying. The cry it out/babywise/frequent check ins just did not work for her. The important part is that I realized this and changed course with her. She had an additional problem of chronic ear infections too…so that was a delay I just had to deal with (with an older child and full time job….believe me…I KNOW what it feels like to be a zombie). What worked for me was to put water in the bottle instead of milk, keep the room very dark and not speak at all when going to her at night. Just some gentle touches and some rocking. I slowly backed off on the water, then the rocking got shorter and then it just became a minute or two of rubbing her back. I also waited longer and longer before going to her when she first woke up. It is natural that babies have sleep cycles through the night. there are natural points where they kind of wake up, stir and have to get comfortable again…just like us. If I went to her too soon…I interrupted her natural cycle and didn’t give her the chance to work it out on her own. Sometimes there was crying, sometimes just talking or moaning…and sometimes she would just play for 10 minutes and fall back asleep. After awhile I only had to go in one of the 2-3 wakeups and that slowly reduced to only one or two nights a week…and now….consistent sleeping. It took a long time…no 3 day cure for that kid….but it worked. So…just keep all this in mind when helping Rocky learn to sooth himself. Slowly give him the tools he needs and the love and compassionate guidance you would for teaching all other tasks in life. I feel for you. Those long nights followed by busy work days were awful. Such a blur and I feel like I missed out on so much because I wasn’t all there. Good luck. You definitely need to do something….you just need to figure out what something will work for you and your baby.
Karaleen
I read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley with my first baby who wasn’t the best sleeper. I’m thinking I need to read it again with my 9 month old now as she had never ever slept all the way through the night.
We were lucky that WPD was pretty good at STTN when he was younger – then we had a regression in the 15-16 month range. If I went in to “sooth” him, but not pick him up, etc., he became so upset it was worse than if I just stayed out. I ended up doing a modified Ferber sorta thing. My point is – you should try different things and you will eventually find the right combo. Consistency IS important, but if something is consistently horrible, don’t worry too much about changing it up! Just like everything else you’ve done with your son, you have to find what works for YOU/HIM.
Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon!!
xoxoxo